Was I demonically possessed? QUESTION from Fabiana August 15, 2001 Dear Brother Ignatius,
A priest told me that a person in the state of grace can never be possessed by the devil, nor can the devil possess anyone against his/her will. Well, when I was a young child, I was very saintly - I truly believe that I was on the path to sainthood because my love of God, my actions (long hours of prayer, mortifications, etc..) and my thoughts were like those of many saints I later read about as an adult. I felt God walking near me all the time, He was in my thoughts 24/7, and my love of Him was greater than any human love I can describe.
The summer that I moved here to America, however, I was possessed by the devil (I don't know what else it could have been). It was during Mass one Sunday. I was singing the hymn and was so taken up in love of God that I was in a state of semi-ecstacy (I felt like I was being transported to Heaven). But just as I reached this state and thought that I was going to explode from love, in a split second, I was consumed by an evil force that took a hold of me. The best way I can describe it is that I started to feel what the devil was feeling - I felt pure evil consume me - I felt all the evil emotions rolled up into one (but greater than human emotions of evil), I felt like gnashing me teeth, I felt like my soul was crying out in agony - in short, I felt Hell... I had control over my reasoning but none over my emotions. The whole time my emotions were possessed, I was in full control of my intellect - I was in a state of shock and confusion and I was asking God what is happening to me?!. My body felt hot all over and I felt very faint. I felt as if I was outside of my body, as if my soul was no longer in it but had been pushed out and my body was taken over instead by an evil force.
After this incident, every time I entered a church, or tried to pick up a Bible or read about the Saints, I would be consumed by this evil force. It was like superman being exposed to Kryptonite - I couldn't get near anything religious or I would start feeling this evil overtake me. Before the possession, I had a great love for Mary, but then after the incident at Mass, everytime I tried to pray to Mary, I felt evil overcome me and I felt this jealousy I could not explain. I stopped going to church and reading anything religious because I was afraid to feel the evil again.
Brother Ignatius, I have always wondered why God would have allowed the devil to possess me in this manner when I was on the path to sainthood. Could it be that maybe saints are pre-chosen and God had not chosen me to be a saint so He allowed the devil to possess me. I can understand God putting an adult through spiritual trials in order to test his/her faithfulness, but I was a child who had not yet been taught how to defend herself from such attacks. I was not that well educated in my faith and did not know that the devil could do these things nor did I know how to defend myself - I thought the evil was from me and so I ran away from the church because I got scared. How can God allow this sort of trial on an ignorant, pure child wh
ANSWER by John-Paul Ignatius, OLSM on August 19, 2001 Dear Miss Fabiana:
Your message was cut off, but let me try to comment and explain.
First off, the priest that you talked does not seem to be too knowledgeable about these things. Most priest aren't -- unfortunately.
Second, what you are describing does sound like a demonization, but I cannot make the diagnosis over one post in a Q & A forum. There could by psychiatric causes too, or a little of both.
Third, there are many levels of demonization. Possession is the most severe and complete. It is VERY unlikely that you were totally possessed, but you may have had an intense level of demonization (again I don't know that, but your description could possibly indicate such).
Fourth, if God has chosen you to be a Canonized saint, then getting attacked by Satan like this is NORMAL. Saints do not become saints by having it easy. Most of them were severely attacked by the devil in many ways. Padre Pio, who is up for sainthood right now, was physically attacked by demons almost daily.
Fifth, God does not allow such things to enter our lives unless He has a reason. Oftentimes the reason is a test of faith. As Christians we are called upon to persevere. Suffering is part of that perseverance and if we let it, will make us closer to God.
God loves you and He had some reason to allow your experiences. Have faith in Him and allow Him to teach you through this experience. Come back to the Church and to God and God will make lemonade out of the lemons you have received.
You don't say whether this is still a problem, but if it is you may want to review our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog and if necessary, contact a Deliverance Counselor.
We will be praying for you.
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